50 Questions to Ask a Potential Flatmate (Before You Say Yes)

Why These Questions Matter

Let's be honest: most flatmate disasters aren't caused by obvious red flags like someone admitting they never clean. They're caused by unspoken assumptions that seemed too obvious to mention. You assume "clean" means wiping down surfaces daily. She assumes it means not letting things get genuinely filthy. You assume "occasional guests" means once a fortnight. She assumes it means every weekend. Six months later, you're both miserable, posting passive-aggressive notes on the fridge, and counting down the days until the lease ends.

The good news? Almost all of this is preventable. The right questions, asked early, reveal compatibility (or incompatibility) before you're legally committed to living together. Think of this as due diligence for your home life - because where you live and who you live with affects your work, your relationships, your mental health, basically everything else. This guide is part of our complete guide to finding your ideal flatmate.

1. Lifestyle & Daily Rhythms (Questions 1-7)

Your daily schedules might seem like small details, but they're actually the backbone of whether you'll peacefully coexist or drive each other mad. If you're a 6am yoga person and she's a 3am gaming person, someone's going to be sleep-deprived and cranky. These questions help you figure out if your natural rhythms will harmonize or clash.

Question 1: What's your typical daily schedule? Are you an early riser or a night owl?

Why it matters: This isn't just small talk - it's critical compatibility information. If you're up at 6am making smoothies while she's just falling asleep after a gaming session, you'll both be miserable. One person's normal routine becomes the other person's noise complaint. Ask about both weekdays and weekends to get the full picture.

Question 2: Do you work from home? If so, how often?

Why it matters: A full-time WFH flatmate means someone's always in the common spaces - using the kitchen during lunch, taking calls in the living room, needing the WiFi to be rock solid. This fundamentally changes the dynamic of the flat. It's not a dealbreaker (loads of people WFH now), but you need to know upfront so you can discuss boundaries around shared spaces, noise during work hours, and whether you'll basically never have the place to yourself.

Question 3: What does a typical weeknight look like for you?

Why it matters: This reveals so much without being invasive. Are they home by 6pm making dinner and watching Netflix? Do they hit the gym then come back and need the flat quiet? Are they out most evenings at classes or seeing friends? You'll learn about their energy levels, social expectations, and what "home time" means to them - all crucial for understanding whether you'll mesh.

Question 4: How do you usually spend your weekends?

Why it matters: Weekend habits show you what "downtime" and "recharging" mean to them. Do they host brunches every Saturday? Disappear on hiking trips most weekends? Need the flat completely quiet for studying or sleeping off Friday night? This helps you picture your shared weekend life and whether your visions of weekend relaxation are compatible.

Question 5: Do you exercise at home? What kind of routine do you have?

Why it matters: Home workouts can mean thumping music at 6am, yoga in the living room during your favorite show, or weights dropping on the floor above your bedroom. Knowing their exercise habits (and when they do them) helps prevent future "could you please stop doing burpees directly above my head" conversations. If they're into home fitness, discuss where and when now.

Question 6: How important is quiet time to you at home?

Why it matters: Some people need absolute silence to decompress after work. Others are fine with background noise and chatter. Some people recharge through social interaction; others need solitude. This question helps you understand their tolerance levels and whether your ideas of "peaceful home environment" align. There's no right answer, just different styles that need to be compatible.

Question 7: Are you studying or planning to study while living here?

Why it matters: Students often need serious quiet during exam periods, might have irregular schedules, and can be under intense pressure at certain times of year. Understanding their academic commitments helps you both support each other's needs and plan for busy seasons. Plus, you'll know when to expect the flat to transform into a library for a few weeks.

2. Cleanliness & Shared Spaces (Questions 8-15)

Here it is - the number one source of flatmate conflicts worldwide. Different standards of "clean" have destroyed more flatshares than probably any other single factor. The person who thinks wiping surfaces daily is normal lives with someone who thinks weekly is fine, and three months later they can't stand each other. These questions help you determine if you're on the same page before the resentment builds.

Question 8: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your cleanliness level?

Why it matters: This forces both of you to be specific and put a number on it. Most people will say 6-8. What matters is how they qualify it. Do they laugh and admit "probably a 6 on good days, maybe a 4 when I'm stressed"? Or do they claim to be a 9 but then hedge with "but I'm not obsessive about it"? Listen to how they answer as much as the number itself. Hesitation often signals self-awareness about being messier than average.

Question 9: How long after cooking do you typically wash up?

Why it matters: This is THE question. "I'll do it later" can mean 20 minutes or 3 days, and this is one of the most common friction points in flatshares. If you can't stand waking up to a dirty kitchen and she routinely soaks dishes overnight "to make them easier," you'll clash constantly. Get specific: immediately? Within an hour? Before bed? Next morning? There's no wrong answer, but you both need to know what normal looks like for the other person.

Question 10: What's your idea of keeping the bathroom clean?

Why it matters: Bathroom standards vary wildly. Some people wipe down surfaces after every use; others are fine with a weekly clean. Some people think hair in the shower drain is no big deal; others find it absolutely disgusting. This question reveals whether you're aligned on one of the most intimate shared spaces in the flat.

Question 11: Have you ever used a cleaning rota with flatmates? Did it work?

Why it matters: This reveals their actual experience with shared responsibility and whether they're open to systems that help maintain standards. Did previous rotas fail because they didn't stick to them? Or because the other person didn't? Are they enthusiastic about structure or resistant to it? Their answer tells you whether you'll need to chase them about chores.

Question 12: What are your biggest cleaning pet peeves?

Why it matters: Everyone has that one thing that drives them mad - crumbs on the counter, bins not being taken out, wet towels left on beds, whatever. Getting these out in the open now means you can actively avoid doing the thing that makes them want to murder you. Plus, their answer shows what they prioritize in cleanliness.

Question 13: Would you be open to hiring a cleaner and splitting the cost?

Why it matters: This is a brilliant compatibility check. Some people think it's wasteful; others think it's essential for peace. If you're keen but they're horrified by the idea, or vice versa, you've learned something important about their values around money, time, and domestic labor. Plus, a cleaner can be the thing that saves your friendship.

Question 14: How do you feel about shared kitchen items versus keeping things separate?

Why it matters: Can you use her nice knives? Is the rice cooker communal or off-limits? What about spices, oil, butter - shared or separate? Some people love sharing everything; others want clear ownership. Neither is wrong, but you need to be aligned or at least aware of each other's preferences to avoid the dreaded "did you use my [thing] without asking?"

Question 15: What's your approach to taking out bins and recycling?

Why it matters: Someone has to actually take the bins out, and it's amazing how often this becomes a battle of wills about whose turn it is. Does she have a system? Does she wait until they're overflowing? Will she do it without being asked? This seemingly mundane question reveals a lot about initiative and shared responsibility.

3. Financial Compatibility (Questions 16-22)

Money conversations feel awkward, but they're essential. These questions aren't about how much someone earns - they're about whether you have compatible approaches to shared expenses, bill-splitting, and financial responsibility. Getting this wrong means chasing people for rent money, which is absolutely miserable.

Question 16: How do you prefer to handle shared expenses - splitting equally or based on usage?

Why it matters: This philosophical difference causes more arguments than you'd think. Do you split utilities 50/50 regardless of who uses more, or do you try to proportion it based on actual usage? Neither approach is wrong, but you need to agree before the first bill arrives. This also reveals their fairness values.

Question 17: How do you manage monthly bills?

Why it matters: This is asking "are you financially reliable?" without being rude about it. Someone who sets up direct debits and forgets about it is very different from someone who pays bills whenever they remember. If you're organized and hate late fees while they're chaotic with money, you'll spend the whole tenancy stressed about whether utilities are getting paid.

Question 18: Are you comfortable using bill-splitting apps like Splitwise?

Why it matters: Apps remove the awkwardness from tracking who owes what. But some people find them impersonal or annoying. Knowing their preference helps you set up a system that works for both of you. If they're resistant, ask how they'd prefer to track shared expenses instead.

Question 19: What's your budget for household supplies like toilet paper, cleaning products, etc.?

Why it matters: Does she buy budget loo roll or fancy three-ply? Is she fine with own-brand cleaning products or does she want eco-friendly premium stuff? This reveals both their spending style and what quality means to them. Mismatched expectations here lead to one person feeling like they're subsidizing the other's standards.

Question 20: Have you ever had issues with rent or bills in previous flats?

Why it matters: Yes, this is direct, but it's crucial. Have they bounced rent checks? Forgotten to pay bills? Been late consistently? You're not looking for perfection - one-off issues due to genuine circumstances are understandable. But patterns of financial unreliability are massive red flags. A simple yes or no with honest context is fine. Dodging the question is not.

Question 21: How would you handle it if one of us was temporarily short on money?

Why it matters: This reveals their values around flexibility versus boundaries. Some people would happily cover you for a month; others (reasonably) wouldn't. Understanding their stance helps you know what to expect if either of you hits financial difficulty. It's also a character test - do they show empathy or judgment?

Question 22: Are there any regular purchases you think we should share versus buy separately?

Why it matters: Beyond basics, what about things like milk, coffee, washing up liquid? Some people prefer to share consumables; others want everything separate to avoid the "who used all the [thing]" arguments. Discussing this upfront prevents resentment about someone always using your stuff.

4. Social Life & Boundaries (Questions 23-30)

This is where you figure out if your social expectations align - or at least if they're compatible. Does she want a built-in social life with movie nights and kitchen catch-ups, or does she just want respectful coexistence? Neither is wrong, but you need someone who wants roughly the same thing. These questions help you understand boundaries around visitors, noise, and what "home" means to each of you.

Question 23: How often do you typically have people over?

Why it matters: "Sometimes" could mean twice a year or three times a week. Get specific. How often? How many people usually? How late do gatherings go? If you're someone who values quiet evenings and she's hosting dinner parties every weekend, you'll clash. Conversely, if you both love entertaining, that could be brilliant - just make sure your styles align.

Question 24: What's your idea of a typical night in versus night out?

Why it matters: This indirectly tells you their default mode. Are they a homebody who occasionally goes out, or someone who's rarely home in the evenings? Both are fine, but you need to know if you're going to be living with a ghost or someone who's always around. It also hints at noise levels and how much you'll actually see each other.

Question 25: Do you have a partner who might stay over regularly?

Why it matters: A partner who's there 4 nights a week is basically an unofficial third flatmate. They use the shower, they're in the kitchen, they affect the dynamic. This isn't necessarily bad, but you need to know upfront. Are they planning to essentially move their partner in? How often is "regular"? Will they contribute to bills if they're there constantly?

Question 26: How do you feel about flatmate guests using common areas?

Why it matters: Can your friend use the bathroom? Sit in the living room? Raid the fridge? Some people are super welcoming to flatmates' guests; others prefer visitors stay in bedrooms. Neither is wrong - it's about boundaries and what makes each of you comfortable in your own home. Clear expectations prevent awkward situations.

Question 27: How do you feel about house parties?

Why it matters: If you're a "quiet drink with friends" person and she wants to host 30-person ragers, that's critical incompatibility information. Even if she doesn't plan to throw parties often, knowing her stance helps you gauge her noise tolerance and social style. Ask about frequency, size, and notice period if it's something they do.

Question 28: What's your stance on overnight guests during weeknights?

Why it matters: Weeknight overnight guests can mean bathroom queues at 7am or noise when you're trying to sleep for work the next day. Some people are fine with it; others find it disruptive. Understanding boundaries here prevents resentment about partners staying over on Tuesday nights when you have an 8am meeting.

Question 29: How would you feel about me having guests over without much notice?

Why it matters: This reveals flexibility versus need for control. Can you spontaneously invite a friend for dinner, or do they need 48 hours' notice? Neither is wrong - some people like preparation; others are fine with spontaneity. You just need compatible approaches or willingness to compromise.

Question 30: What does "home" mean to you? Is it a social space or a private retreat?

Why it matters: This gets at fundamental values. For some, home is where they recharge alone. For others, it's where they build community. Neither is better, but you need compatible visions. If you see home as your sanctuary and she sees it as party central, you'll both be disappointed with the reality.

5. Kitchen & Food Habits (Questions 31-36)

The kitchen is where daily life happens - and where a surprising number of conflicts brew. Literally. These questions help you figure out if your cooking styles, food boundaries, and kitchen habits will complement each other or cause constant friction over fridge space, dirty dishes (yes, again), and whose turn it is to buy milk.

Question 31: Are you a big cook, or more of a takeaway person?

Why it matters: If you love spending hours preparing elaborate meals and she microwaves ready meals, you'll have very different kitchen needs and expectations. Neither is wrong, but it affects how much time you'll spend in the kitchen, what equipment you'll need, and whether cooking smells will be an issue. Two keen cooks sharing one kitchen can also cause scheduling conflicts.

Question 32: Do you have any dietary restrictions or strong food preferences we should know about?

Why it matters: Vegetarian versus meat-eater, allergies, religious dietary requirements, or just strong preferences about certain foods - these affect shared fridge space, cooking smells, and whether you can share meals. If she's vegan and the smell of bacon makes her feel ill, you need to know before you start cooking Sunday breakfast.

Question 33: How do you feel about sharing food versus keeping things separate?

Why it matters: Can you grab her milk for your tea? Is the leftover pasta fair game? Some people love the communal vibe of sharing staples; others want clear boundaries around their food. Both approaches are valid - you just need to know which one she prefers to avoid the dreaded "someone ate my [thing]" argument.

Question 34: What's your approach to fridge and cupboard space?

Why it matters: If you're a meal-prepper with containers stacked everywhere and she needs half the fridge for her grocery haul, you'll battle for space constantly. Understanding how much room each of you needs helps you negotiate a system that works. Also reveals how territorial they are about storage.

Question 35: Do you do a big weekly shop or buy food daily?

Why it matters: This affects how full the fridge is, whether you'll coordinate shopping trips, and general kitchen organization. Someone who meal plans for the week has different needs than someone who pops to Tesco Express every evening. Neither is wrong - just different rhythms that need to work together.

Question 36: Would you be interested in ever cooking together or sharing meals?

Why it matters: Some people dream of communal dinners and sharing cooking duties. Others want complete independence in the kitchen. This question reveals whether they're looking for a built-in dining companion or prefer to do their own thing. No judgment either way - but you both need compatible expectations about the social side of food.

6. Communication & Conflict (Questions 37-42)

Here's the truth: conflict will happen. It's not about whether you'll disagree - it's about how you handle it when you do. Someone who can have difficult conversations with honesty and kindness is worth their weight in gold. Someone who either explodes or gives you the silent treatment for weeks? Run. These questions help you understand their communication style and whether you'll be able to work through the inevitable friction of shared living.

Question 37: How do you prefer to handle issues - talking in person, texting, or something else?

Why it matters: Communication style differences cause massive problems. If you prefer direct in-person conversations and she sends passive-aggressive texts, you'll clash. If you like to think things through via message and she wants immediate face-to-face discussions, that's also friction. Understanding preferred channels helps you navigate conflicts before they escalate.

Question 38: Can you give me an example of a conflict you had with a previous flatmate and how you resolved it?

Why it matters: This is GOLD. Their answer tells you everything about how they handle disagreements. Did they communicate directly or let it fester? Did they take responsibility or blame the other person? Did they find a compromise or dig in stubbornly? Were they respectful or did it get nasty? Past behavior absolutely predicts future behavior.

Question 39: What would you do if something I did bothered you?

Why it matters: This directly asks about their confrontation style. Would they tell you immediately? Drop hints? Complain to friends but never address it with you? Send a text at 2am? Post a note on the fridge? You need to know if issues will be resolved through honest communication or silently resented until they explode.

Question 40: Are there any absolute dealbreakers for you in a flatshare?

Why it matters: Everyone has non-negotiables - smoking indoors, loud music after 10pm, having people stay over every weekend, whatever. Getting these on the table now prevents discovering them when it's too late and you're already signed into a lease. It also shows they've thought seriously about compatibility and what they need to be comfortable.

Question 41: How do you handle stress? Do you need space or do you talk things through?

Why it matters: This tells you what to expect when life gets hard for either of you. Will she withdraw to her room for days? Need to vent for hours? Become snappy and irritable? Understanding stress responses helps you be a better flatmate and prevents you from taking her bad day personally. It also reveals emotional awareness.

Question 42: What's your approach to giving and receiving feedback?

Why it matters: Flatsharing requires ongoing adjustment and mutual feedback. If she can't handle gentle "hey, would you mind doing the dishes a bit sooner?" without getting defensive, or if she never speaks up about issues bothering her, small problems become big resentments. This question assesses emotional maturity and whether you can actually build a functional household together.

7. Practical Living (Questions 43-50)

These final questions cover the practical details that affect daily life - everything from pets to moving plans to temperature preferences. They might seem less important than the big stuff, but anyone who's fought over the thermostat or been surprised by an unexpected cat knows these details matter more than you'd think.

Question 43: Do you have any pets or plan to get any?

Why it matters: Pets are wonderful but they're also a huge responsibility that affects everyone. Allergies, noise, mess, hair everywhere, the sheer presence of an animal in your space - all of this needs agreement. Even if the flat doesn't allow pets now, what if she's planning to get a cat the moment she finds somewhere that does? Future pet plans matter too.

Question 44: What's your stance on smoking, vaping, or cannabis use in the flat?

Why it matters: This is non-negotiable territory for many people and can actually affect your deposit and lease. Even if someone only vapes outside, you need to know. Smell carries into the flat, and expectations around any kind of substance use need to be crystal clear from day one. Don't be embarrassed to ask - it's essential information.

Question 45: How long are you planning to stay in this flat?

Why it matters: If you're settling in for two years and she's only planning to stay six months, you'll have to start this whole search process again very soon. Aligned timelines make planning easier and help you both commit to making it work rather than just treating it as temporary. Plus, someone with vague or very short-term plans might not invest in the relationship.

Question 46: What's your ideal temperature for the flat? Are you always hot or always cold?

Why it matters: Okay, this sounds ridiculous, but the thermostat wars are REAL. If one of you is wearing shorts in January while the other needs three jumpers and the heating on full blast, you'll fight over it constantly. This seemingly trivial question actually impacts daily comfort and energy bills. Huge temperature preference gaps can be genuinely difficult to navigate.

Question 47: How much notice would you expect if either of us wanted to move out?

Why it matters: Legal minimums are one thing, but what do you both consider respectful and reasonable? Two months? Three? What would you need to find a new flatmate or make alternative arrangements? This conversation protects you both and shows consideration for the practical realities. It also reveals their fairness values.

Question 48: What items do you think should be shared versus personal?

Why it matters: Can you use her blender? Is the vacuum communal? What about furniture, books, kitchen gadgets, or that really nice coffee machine? Establishing ownership and sharing rules now prevents assumptions later and protects everyone's belongings. Some people share everything; others want clear boundaries. You need to know which type she is.

Question 49: Do you have emergency contacts we should exchange?

Why it matters: This practical question also signals that you're thinking long-term and taking safety seriously. Plus, you genuinely need this information. If something happens to either of you - medical emergency, accident, whatever - you should know who to call. It's also a good segue into discussing things like spare keys and what to do in various emergency scenarios.

Question 50: Is there anything important I haven't asked that you think I should know?

Why it matters: This open-ended closer is brilliant. It gives them space to share anything they're worried about bringing up or things that don't fit neatly in categories. Maybe they have a health condition that occasionally affects their routine. Maybe they're planning to start a side business. Maybe they sleepwalk. Their answer (or non-answer) can be incredibly revealing about what they value and what they might be hiding.

Final Thoughts: Trust Your Instincts

You've now got 50 questions to work with, organized by category, with explanations of why each one matters. But here's what's crucial to remember: how someone answers these questions matters as much as what they answer. Are they honest and open, or vague and defensive? Do they seem thoughtful about shared living, or have they clearly never considered what makes a good flatmate? Do you feel comfortable around them, or is there a weird vibe you can't quite name?

Remember: you don't need to ask all 50 questions in one marathon session. That genuinely would feel like a police interrogation and probably scare off even great candidates. Instead, pick the 15-20 most relevant to your situation and priorities, let the conversation flow naturally, and remember that finding the right flatmate is about compatibility, not perfection.

The goal isn't to find someone exactly like you - it's to find someone whose differences are complementary rather than conflicting. Someone whose 7 on the cleanliness scale matches your 7. Someone who respects your need for quiet evenings as much as you respect their occasional Saturday brunch with friends. Someone who, when conflict inevitably arises (and it will), approaches it with honesty, kindness, and genuine willingness to find solutions.

These 50 questions are your toolkit for finding that person. Use them wisely, adapt them to your specific situation, trust your judgment, and please, PLEASE don't settle for someone who gives you bad vibes just because you're desperate to find a place. The wrong flatmate can make you absolutely miserable in your own home - anxious, resentful, constantly on edge. The right one? They can make a good flat feel like home and become one of your favorite parts of living in London.

For the complete flatmate-finding process from initial search to moving in successfully, see our complete guide to finding your ideal flatmate. Good luck - you've got this!